The people.  The passion.  The intensity.  All that hope.  The promises of hope.  The end of a very terrifying era for a large group of people. I just knew, as I sat there, that the world would never be the same and I was seeing something great.  I was seeing something that would make a difference.  I was seeing the first step in us, as a people, accepting each other for no reason other than we are all people.

I was wrong.

We still don’t accept each other.  We just pretend we do.  We still don’t like each other.  We use each other when it is convenient for us, being sure to never be there when someone else needs us. We haven’t learned anything in the last twenty years…and that’s only as far back as I can remember.

But the hope remains.  The promise of hope.  Someday, the world will be as I saw it that day.  On my couch, eight years old, just beginning to see the world as it really was, not what I wanted it to be.  We will have togetherness, hope, and world acceptance.  Until that day, I will continue to do my part to pay it forward, and help the world become that place.

That’s where I was when the Berlin Wall came down.  Can you remember where you were?

Okay, not funny in the hold-my-sides-while-I-laugh way.  Funny in the I’m-not-going-to-do-what-mom-says-until-she-yells-at-me way.

I had a load of laundry for the boys to put away this morning.  Mind you, ‘putting laundry away’ consists of Thing One taking the clothes out of the basket that I have already folded and separated and putting them on hangers while Thing Two puts the underwear, socks and pajamas away.

It took them more than 30 minutes to do this.  There wasn’t more than 20 items of clothing in the entire basket.

I shouldn’t have yelled.  I shouldn’t have gotten angry.  I shouldn’t have put Thing Two in the corner for ignoring what I told him to do.  They are just kids.  Five and nine, as a matter of fact.

Or should I have?

Thirty minutes?!?  Seriously?  I know that adults and children have completely different ideas as to what constitutes  ‘now’ or ‘soon’.  But after reminding them both three or four times to finish the job, I go into the bedroom to find them both laying on the floor doing nothing.  I lost it.  My face turned red, my voice got high and screech-y, and I think I may have transformed into something resembling Alec Holland after the explosion.

And then I was fine.  The insane frustration/anger/madness was gone, the laundry was done, and now they are outside.

This song never fails to make me feel cozy, girly, and sad all at the same time.  The passion, the emotion, oohh…  There is just so much to that song.  I was too young when it came out to fully appreciate it (1984), but as I got older, I realize just how, if you’ll pardon the pun, timeless that song really is.  It speaks volumes in such a quiet voice.

Here I Go Again-Whitesnake

Tawny Kitaen is the reason I realized I liked girls.  She is just amazing in that video.  As Edwin McCain so eloquently put it, that video goes in the spank bank for sure.  It’s a kick ass, classic rock song, but…damn.

Don’t Stop Believin’-Journey

When I was a kid, my dad drank.  A lot.  And he never really had time for any of us.  That being said, I have one very clear memory of Dad studying for a test one afternoon while listening to the stereo through headphones.  I came up to him and asked what he was listening to.  He pulled the plug on the headphones and let this song blast through the speakers while we sang together.  One of my favorite childhood memories.

You Shook Me (All Night Long)-AC/DC

I spent many a night after my separation/divorce in bars.  Matter of fact, when my kids were gone and I wasn’t at work, you could almost certainly find me at the local pub.  And this song was always on my hit list when I went to the jukebox.  I drank myself into oblivion while listening to this song many times.  It is still a fun song to listen to and to dance to, but most times, all I hear is one of the lowest points in my life.

Walk This Way-Run-DMC

My first experience with rap.  1986.  ‘Nuff said.

Every Rose Has It’s Thorn-Poison

In second grade, we were required to participate in the Mother’s Day program.  A friend of mine and I were teamed up.  Neither one of us had one clue as to what to do for our moms for this.  Until we realized that they both liked Poison, especially this song.  We sang this song together while my mother sat at my school desk and cried, watching her baby ‘grow up’.

Pour Some Sugar On Me-Def Leppard

I remember watching a video on MTV after Rick Allen got back behind the skins.  Most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in  a band.  See You Shook Me for another explanation.

Livin’ On a Prayer-Bon Jovi

This past Saint Patrick’s Day, my best girl and another friend went to a local pub to celebrate.  You could here us sing and scream along to this song over the rest of the bar.  One more reason why my best girl is just that.  She loves me for all of my music-obsession flaws.

Insensitive-Jann Arden

This song, while it felt enormously important to me at the time, really only touched me the way it should after my divorce.  The nights when I was home with my kids, I would put them to bed, lay on my own bed, put this song on repeat, and just…cry.  I was so lonely.

What I Didn’t Know-Athanaeum

No matter how many years go by, I always think of my ‘first love’ when I hear this song.  This was one of our favorite songs that played on a new radio station more than ten years ago.  We used to get high and turn this song up as loud as his mom would let us and just space out.  After that summer, we lost touch.  Several years later, we reconnected and I managed to find this song and played it for him once.  Made us both a little sad and nostalgic at the same time.  I see him from time to time around town now, and I always hear this song in my head when we talk.

Price of Love-Bad English

This was the first song I heard after my ex-husband told me he was leaving me.  My irony, let me show you it.

Accidentally In Love-Counting Crows

When Shrek 2 came out on DVD, my oldest son, now almost ten, loved this song.  We would pop this in the DVD player, he would crawl into my lap, and we would sing this together, swaying back and forth.  One of my favorite things to do with my oldest when he was smaller.  How fast they grow…

I Will Survive-Gloria Gaynor

For me, as many other jilted women can say, this song was my anthem after my separation.  It played a big part in my journey of becoming, more or less, sober.

Any song from the band Pop Evil

I say any song from these guys because nearly every thing they have done is great.  Just kicks ass.  Though one could argue their first album is less mature than their second (and it is), they have failed, in the five plus years I’ve known them, to disappoint me.  Whether it’s fun-loving songs like ‘Candy’, fuck you songs like ‘Another Romeo and Juliet’, or beautiful love songs like ‘Stepping Stone’, it’s just really good. I have been fortunate enough to become friends with this band, as they started out as a bar band in my area, and every song touches me as I have seen them struggle so much to succeed.

Fred Bear-Ted Nugent

While Uncle Ted’s influence in my life didn’t necessarily aid in my staying off drugs and alcohol, I will never forget the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity I had to listen to him do a sound check in Charleston, SC, back in 1995.  It was supposed to be a meeting for members of his magazine, Ted Nugent World Bowhunters.  My mother was less than thrilled to be spending Mother’s Day amongst a bunch of smelly bowhunters, listening to smelly bowhunter stories.  As it turned out, there were about 12 of us in the room, including the Nuge.  He is, hands down, the most eloquent speaker I have ever had the pleasure of listening to.  Towards the end of the meeting, a man stuck his head in the door and told Ted they were ready to do the sound check.  Ted looks at us and says ‘Kids, ya wanna go hear some rock?’.  The man looked at Ted and said that there really aren’t allowed to be any people in the arena during the sound check.  Ted looks up and says, ‘Well, then they’ve forgotten who they work for.  C’mon kids, follow Uncle Ted!’  He grabbed my littlest sister’s hand and my brother’s hand and walked down the hall to the arena.  He played Fred Bear and Lovejacker, two songs I can’t hear without getting the tinglies.

Don’t Come Around Here No More-Tom Petty

The video for this song gave me nightmares for a week.

That is it for now.  More to come.

Overall, a very successful appointment, as always.  His doctor is wonderful; kind, gentle, informative, and patient.  All of the things that, as a parent, I could possibly want for my child.  He determined that, while the Adderall was working, it wasn’t working as well as he hoped it would.  The medication is supposed to last 8-12 hours, optimally.  It is lasting about 4 hours, then Thing Two begins to ‘crash’.  While there have been no side effects from the Adderall, the doctor has decided to change his medication to Vyvanse.  Vyvanse is another ADHD medication, most helpful to kids Thing Two’s age.  The doctor feels it is superior to Adderall.  We will be trying this for two weeks, and then another checkup.

After the appointment, we took the prescription to the pharmacy.  The pharmacist took one look at the paper and said it wasn’t valid.  Apparently, due to the type of medication Vyvanse is, the dosage and dispensed amount must be explicitly spelled out.  The doctor did not do this.  So, back to the clinic we went.

We got the prescription validated and took it back to the pharmacy.  The pharmacist took another look at it and said it still wasn’t adequate.  The doctor wrote the number of pills to be dispensed in numeric form, but did not write the words out themselves.  I was sadly expecting another trip to the clinic.  Thank goodness it’s close.

Although I was told the prescription could not be faxed to the clinic to be ‘fixed’, as the pharmacy required an original copy, they were able to receive, and use, a faxed copy of the same prescription written by the same doctor for the same medication.  My confusion, let me show you it.  As we waited in line, the pharmacist checked with the insurance company to be sure they would pay for the medication, as Thing Two is technically too young to be diagnosed as ADHD.  They won’t.  Someone at their end needs to get authorization to pay for the medication first.  Fine.  I expected that.  They pulled the same thing with the Adderall two weeks ago.

Once this information was given to me, I nodded and said fine, I will see them on Monday, which is when the insurance company *should* authorize the payment for the prescription.  The pharmacist then got that look on her face.  She will be waiting until the insurance company authorizes the payment before she even orders the dosage Thing Two requires.  Her logic?   ‘What if I get stuck with 30 pills he can’t use?  What am I going to do then?’  My first thought.  Too.  Fucking.  Bad.  Some other child will eventually need this same medicine, in the same dosage.  But she will not be swayed.

So, it’s wait three business days for the prescription to be approved, then wait two more days for the medicine to be ordered and arrive at the pharmacy, then Thing Two can start his new medication.  By the time he gets it, it will be time for his next follow-up.

And people wonder why I drink.

Last time I was here, we had just come back from Detroit for a Tigers’ game.  Since then, Brian and I went back for another game.  This one, an embarrassment.  If I remember correctly, the boys lost 11-0.  A nasty one.  It was still fun just being there, though.  While we were in town, we also hit the Detroit Zoo. Now that was  a good time.  All kinds of fun things to see and do.  We’ll be sure and take the kids next time.

Justin Verlander heading back to the dugout

In between Tigers’ games, Thing Two managed to break his arm.  Fell off of the back of a golf cart at Brian’s grandma’s.  He was in a splint and sling for four weeks. Some of you may be nodding your head at this point, having listened to me bitch about the insurance company and their refusal to let me get his arm cast.  Sorry for the repeats.

School has started since last we spoke.  Thing One is in third grade and is doing remarkably well.  His reading, which was well below grade average, has developed at quite a fast rate.  He is nearly at grade level.  And, I don’t believe he qualifies for any Title I or Special Education aid at school anymore.  Yay for Thing One!!!

As for Thing Two, well, *sigh*.  Where do I start?  He was a late register, so he didn’t start till the second day.  I know he was scared, but I was expecting him to do well, as he has been in group daycare for two years now.

Boy, was I wrong.

In the first five days of school, he was sent home three times.  THREE.  TIMES.  IN.  FIVE. DAYS.  Didja catch that?  On the days he wasn’t sent home, he wouldn’t participate in class, ran all over the room, called the teacher names, threw stuff, punched and kicked objects in class, and hit his head against chairs/walls when he would get angry.  It was bad.

To the credit of the school, a team was put in place for Thing Two.  A team consisting of two teachers, the principal, and the counselor.  One person of the team takes Thing Two out of the class a couple of times a day, for 5-10 minutes each time.  They take a walk around the school, they run through the gym, exercise, etc.  Another team, in place prior to Thing Two’s problems, meets once a month to discuss how best to help children having trouble.  Thing Two has been the main topic of conversation for the last two months.  Also, a local school system which has a Special Education Evaluation group, has been coming in to the class twice a month to observe Thing Two, to see if he needs any additional help.  He does, but we have to jump through hoops to even get them to consider helping.

After several weeks of picking him up, leaving work to talk to him, and countless meetings with various people, we realized nothing was helping.  So I took him to his pediatrician to discuss medication.

Now, before I start getting a crapload of hate e-mail, let me explain something.  THIS MEDICATION IS A LAST RESORT.  We, as a whole, have tried every other option available to us to help Thing Two, and it’s plain not working.  After being in his class with him one day, I saw him be completely unable to sit and focus.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was that he literally couldn’t.  Seeing him like that made me think.

Thing Two started his meds, the lowest dose of Adderall possible, last Tuesday.  So far, it’s been lots of ups and downs.  One day will be GREAT, then he will have two really bad days, then a couple of good days, and a bad one again.  There doesn’t seem to be any consistency to his reaction to the Adderall.  We go back to his doctor tomorrow morning for a check-up, and to see if he needs to have his prescription changed.   Wish us luck.

As for everything else, as you have noticed, I am spending time with Thing Two at school.  I am in his class two days per week, and I am now down to part-time at work.  Which is great.  This is what I’ve wanted for a while; to be able to spend more time with the kids, and still be out of the house a couple of days a week for a job.

Brian and I are doing wonderfully.  We’ve had a lot of things happening for us lately.  Our relationship has grown and developed quite a bit in the last four months.  It feels really nice.

Well, those are the highlights.  I will try to start being here more often.  This is good for me.

Cool tigers, cooler blue road cones.

For those of you who read my first post, thank you.  For those who didn’t, get over there and do it.  It’s actually quite funny, in a disastrous sort of way.  In either case, here is part two.

We got to the stadium about 11:00 am.  We figured that would give us two hours of play time before the game actually started to look around, buy stuff, get food, etc.  We were wrong.

We stood in a group of several hundred people for about 30 minutes before the stadium doors opened.  Once they DID open, it was mass hysteria.  Like standing in line at Disney World, so I’ve heard.  We got through the gates (!) at about 11:45 am, giving us just over an hour to play.  First stop, the carousel!!!

WHO has the handsomest horsey...ugh...tiger???

The kids really loved the carousel.  And, lest I forget, thank you to the man who helped Thing Two onto the carousel and strapped him in for me.  The very thought of carousels make me sick to my stomach.   Getting on one, even if it isn’t moving, is nausea-inducing.  He kindly understood and strapped him in for me.   Who says chivalry is dead?!?

I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

After several go-arounds, though not as many as I would have thought (what do you expect for free???), it was time to do more wandering…straight to a hotdog stand.  The boys each had a hot dog; they split a Sierra Mist.  (non-caffeinated–who’s a smart mommy?)  Brian and I stopped by a Big Boy in the park and each had a burger, fries (which we shared with the children) and we split a Mountain Dew.  Almost twenty dollars for those four items.  Thank god he was paying for this trip.

After meandering around the park looking for, and not finding, the Ferris Wheel, we found our seats.  It was time for the game!!!

It wasn’t a very impressive first inning, what with the Angels scoring three runs.  However, the boys from the D came back with a vengeance and had it tied up, 5-5, by the eighth inning.  Please enjoy some pictures: *elevator music begins*

Marcus Thames at first base

Rick Porcello, mid-throw.

First base coach Andy Van Slyke and catcher Gerald Laird

Teh Hawtness of Baseball

In the bottom of the eighth, Clete Thomas came up to bat and hit his first career grand slam, bringing the score to 9-5.  Pitcher Fernando Rodney gave up just one run in the ninth to the Angels, finishing the game with a score of 9-6.  Yay!

Thing One

Thing Two

After a long, yet exciting, day, we were all ready to go home.  We hit the Tigers store where we all picked something up, then it was back in the god-forsaken Mustang.  Honestly, it was a fun weekend, but I was glad to be able to put my back to downtown Detroit.  *shudder*

Sleepy Things

As many of you know, today is the big day.  Or, at the time of this writing, was.  I am sitting on my duff in a motel room in Detroit.  Tomorrow is the BIG GAME!!!

Yes, I am in fact here for a Tigers game.  Yes, I am very excited.  My kids are excited.  My boyfriend is, well, my boyfriend.  He doesn’t really get animated over anything…except nudity, perhaps.  But, please, let me tell you all about our trip…

Let the laughs begin.

5:30 am:  Youngest comes in to bedroom wanting something.  I really couldn’t tell you what.  I mumbled something incoherent and he went back to bed.

6:30 am:  Youngest comes back in to bedroom and wants food/cartoons/drink.  I say okay, I’ll be up in a couple of minutes.

7:30 am: Youngest comes in to bedroom again and says “Mom, are you getting up yet???”  I mutter something unbecoming and drag my ass out of bed.

8:00 am: Kids are eating oatmeal and boyfriend is in the shower.  I have finished packing everything and am waiting my turn for the shower.

8:30 am:  Kids have finished breakfast and I am still waiting for the shower.

8:45 am: Kids are cleaning their room and I am beginning to wonder about the likelihood of a shower before we go…

9:15 am: MY TURN TO SHOWER!!!

10:00 am:  On the road.  Two kids, two adults, and enough baggage for a weekend packed in an ’06 Mustang.  Please don’t sneeze, the car might explode…

11:00 am:  Stopped to pee in Cadillac, back in the car.

12:00 pm: Stopped to pee in Clare, got back in the cramped car.

1:00 pm:  Stopped in Midland at a McDonalds to eat.  I have never been so thankful to see a grilled chicken sandwich in my life…

4:00 pm:  Reached Detroit area.  Began looking for a motel just south of Auburn Hills.  Still in the god-forsaken four-seater Mustang…

6:00  pm:  After driving around for two fucking hours, we stop at a Comfort Inn that has barbed wire-topped chain link fence around the parking lot.

6:30  As boyfriend sleeps in bed, I look out the window.  I see a drug deal and a sex deal occur just under the window.  I check the locks on the windows and doors.  I begin to scan the phone book for pizza delivery places.

Now:  Boyfriend awake, talking of going to Hockeytown for dinner.  Look out, you goddamn Mustang, here I come.  And I am less than happy to see you…

More later.

Here’s da rulz.

**Link to your original tagger and post these rules in YOUR post.

**List seven things about you.  Duh.

**Tag seven people.  Be sure to link to their blogs when you tag them.

**Let them know they’ve been tagged.  Again, duh.

Here we go, kids…

1) My middle name is Lynn

2) If I would have been born a boy, my dad would have named me Jeremiah.  My mom says ‘Yeah, was a bullfrog!’

3) I weigh 160 pounds.  I look better now than when I weighed 110 pounds and I worry less about my weight than I did when I was 140 pounds.

4) I cry easily.

5) I have low hemoglobin; please refrain from stabbing me as I could bleed to death from a small wound.

6) My favorite radio station is Hair Nation on Sirius, courtesy of DISHNetwork.

7) I own one vibrator, one male masturbation sleeve, one set of handcuffs, one set of bondage ropes, and two different kinds of lubricant.

And now, boys and girls, it’s your turn.  I pick:

Andrew

Vegas Mom

Kevin

Ben

Jason

Okay, it looks like I don’t know anyone else that has a blog that I know about.  It will have to be five today.

Y’all are it.

Yes, I will dance your ass off.

Sunday night I went out with the girls and my boyfriend who, yes, was completely out of place.  We went out to dinner (meh), had ice cream for dessert (yay!) and then went on to the local pub.

It's mah kinda plaaaaaace...

I love this bar.  No really.  I know half of you want to break out in song when I say this, but I really do.  This bar is one of my favorite places to hang out.  For a while, after my seperation and divorce, it was my home away from home.  Not so much anymore.   I don’t drink like I used to anymore, so I don’t go out like I used to.  But, I digress.

We arrived at the pub at around 8:00.  Between the hours of 8 and 12, I had three beers.  Three.  Three simple little Landsharks (teh yummy).  I woke up Monday morning feeling like I had just been on a weekend bender.  Thought I was going to die.

I barely slept that night due to the raging heartburn.  And no, I don’t have any antacid in my entire house.  I couldn’t stop swallowing to prevent the bile from creeping up my throat, which only made the heartburn and throat burn worse.  My head pounded.  My chest ached.  I really thought something was wrong with me.

Then I realized that, like a good girl, I took my Zoloft before I went to bed that night…AFTER the three measly beers.

I will be picking up antacid and leaving the beer behind tonight at the grocery.

Hello, all.  I apologize from the bottom of my cold black heart for my absence.  I am sure you have all been suffering without me.

Things here have been nothing short of insane.  So much has been happening that I thought it would be better to wait until the bulk of it was over and then let you all know what has been happening.  So, here goes.

Disaster number one:  Problems are arising between myself and boyfriend again.  I am not sure what is causing it, but I do have some theories.

• We have been spending a lot of time together recently, but not doing anything together.  Just sitting around in the house, staring at the television.
  
• Our separate interests have taken us in different directions lately.  Baseball for him, LOST, Fringe, books for me.  We don’t often share interests, which hasn’t been a problem before.
• I haven’t been drinking.  In a while.

Disaster number two: My Grandma is in the hospital.  She suffered a stroke last Thursday night/Friday morning and is having trouble recuperating.  She shows signs of recovery, then will have a setback.  One setback in particular was caused by the sedative they gave her before her MRI.  A sedative that took THREE DAYS to fully leave her system.  Seems a bit like overkill to me…

I saw Grandma yesterday.  She looks rough.  Sure, she is 85 years old and had a recent stroke.  One would figure that she earned the right to look a bit rough.  And I agree.  However, my Grandma is THE strongest person I have ever met.  No question.  And to see her in a state less than strong and tough, honestly, scares me.  I have no more information on Grandma than that.  No one has called me.  I suppose no news is good news.

Disaster number three:  We still can’t find Thing Two’s testicle.  An ultrasound didn’t show any evidence of a right testicle, so his primary ordered an MRI.  We were suupposed to have that done yesterday.  I find out Tuesday that his primary wants him, a five year old boy, to have an MRI done without sedation, of any kind.

I will pause and let you finish laughing.

I told the doctor/nurse/receptionist that I think a sedative should be ordered for Thing Two.  Knowing my son as well as I do, I knew he wouldn’t be able to hold still for 30 seconds, much less 30 minutes.  I was told that a sedative would not be ordered, and the doctor would just take whatever pictures he could.  If they weren’t sufficient, we would redo the MRI.

After a small discussion between the nurse and the radiologist, it was decided that a sedative IS, in fact, highly recommeded.  Probably a general anesthetic would be better.  BUT.  Yes, always a but.  The radiologist has determined that he would rather have a pediatric urologist see TT.  The best peds urologist?  In Grand Rapids.  Three hours from where we live.  Granted, this doctor is practicing (I hate that word) in one of the best children’s hospitals in the state, if not farther.  I am intimately familiar with the quality of treatment at DeVos.  Another blog on that later.  But still, three hours.  Sigh…

Now, for the occassions.

Occassion number one:  My stay-cation.  I am taking several days off from work.  Starting today and going through next Tuesday.  I have a few things I want to do and lots of stuff I need to do.  I have not been to my brother’s grave in three years.  I have yet to go see my late grandma’s grave. (She passed away in March)  I bought flowers this year and have been having delusions of maintaining a garden.  I have a truckfull of garbage and resale stuff to get rid of.  None of these can be done while I work 40 hours per week.

Occassion number two:  The LOST finale.  I read an interview with Michael Emerson (our beloved/hated Benjamin Linus) where he tells the reader that the finale will make you ‘eat your soul’, and that a person may wonder how there can even BE a show after a finale like this one.

He was right.

I was astounded, amazed, astonished, and all those other ‘a’ words that I can’t come up with right now.  The direction they took the show last night was brilliant.  Course correction played a MAJOR part.  As did good, old-fashioned, human nature.  It was almost comforting.  The death in the finale was hard too.  I will refrain from speaking too much about the show for those of you who haven’t seen it yet or don’t watch it.  My only advice?  For those who haven’t seen it yet: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING READING THIS?!? GO WATCH THE FINALE!!!  And for those who haven’t seen the show at all…get up, go to the store, buy the DVDs.  Or, add them to your Netflix list.  You don’t even have to get up to do that.   You won’t be sorry.  Trust me.

Okay, I think I have completely caught you up on what is happening in my life.  I will be more diligent in my posting from now on, I promise.  Thanks for being patient.